what can i say? you broke my heart.what can i say? you broke my heart. every last inch of it you shattered. i can't believe it. it was such a short time. but you had such an impact on me. i cried for you because you were the best person i've ever known. why? why did you do this to me? why couldn't you wait? use your heart not your hormones!
i wished you never called me dear. i wished i never responded by calling you babe. for that short moment you were my baby. my one and only baby. why else did i cease to call every one of my friends as my darlings? it's because you became my darling. you were the most important.
i wished i never got your number. i wished i hadn't messaged you. i wished i didn't let you coax me to spill my heart out. you weren't worth it. but yet somehow, you are. you taught me to love myself but now that you did this to me, how can i? how can i love myself when i know that you left me because you and him had a weekend fling? love is irrational. and yet, love is immensely rational.
you and him had chemistry. more than you had with me. how can i love myself when i know that i am the variable that caused the difference. how did you do this to me? how did i ever let you do this to me?
you want me to wait for you, and as much as i say i won't be your second choice, i know a part of me wants, and is totally willing to wait for your return. i'm too good for you, i tell myself. and yet, i know i'm only pushing you away to spare myself from the pain.
i'm not angry but i'm just regretting. you were my first. you really were. and now you most certainly have become my first. in every sense you are my first.
there are two sides to a blade.
there are two sides to your words.
and just like how your words are meaningless to me,
so is how irregardless of how beautiful the blade,
it still hurts. 
! dug deep in the sand