You have absolutely no idea how it feels like to be immobile. To be unable to emote. To have to hide how you react when you're so exhilarated, simply because you don't want the whole world to know of your condition. It's not as serious as I'm putting it, but it's serious enough to paralyse me.
How do I blog about this; a chronicle of this segment of my life, without looking like I'm garnering attention? How do I blog about how I feel, what frustrations I face, without having people come up to me in school and asking me about it? How do I speak of the truth?
The truth is, I'm struggling with this side of me. I'm struggling with the very person that made me who I am today. I'm struggling with Dan. Dan is telling me to shut up and keep everything to myself. Dan tells me that it's better if others don't know what happens to me. Dan is the reasonable one. He's the voice in my head. He's the one that makes me logical and sensible.
Yet here I am, completely disregarding his very existence, and Dan is angry. Dan wants me to shut up now and just go to bed. But I can't help it that I'm emotional right now. I can't help myself. I tell others that we're human, and that's why we're allowed to emote. We should never be afraid to show our emotions. Yet, here I am, giving you all vague and non-advantageous information.
I'm expecting weird looks, and questions. I'm not sure if I'll respond. Dan surely won't. Whatever it is, I'm prepared. For the weird looks, at least. For the questions too.
I'm lying to myself. I'm in denial. Oh shut up, Dan.
! dug deep in the sand
