Do you sometimes ever feel like you're trying so hard to be someone that that person likes, that you kind of lose all sense of rationality? Okay, not 'like', in the 'crush' way, but in the hey-you're-pretty-cool kind of way. And when you think you've succeeded, the person says something, and you realise that you've never really succeeded and you've never made an impact on the person?

Perhaps I tried too hard to be your friend. perhaps I tried too hard to make you laugh, or try to entertain you with my dirty talk, my lame jokes and my advice. Maybe I liked you and was hoping you'd like me back in the same way; as buddies. But I guess it wasn't really the case, was it. It's not that I was annoying, because I don't think that's the case at all. I think it's just that you never really gave me enough attention to actually see that I wanted to be a friend.

Or rather, it could be my fault that I'm a little insecure if I didn't have someone to call a "close friend", or have a "bro" by my side. That's probably why I sought after your friendship and did the things I did to have it, even if I did stoop as low as to sound childish for you. No, I've decided that it's my fault that I yearn to be significant enough to be missed by anyone. That's the sole reason why I am doing this, I suspect. You didn't ask for any of it, and I don't blame you. I blame myself for being the one to be dumb enough and desperate enough to do so many things for you, when you never really payed attention.

It's okay. Some friends click, and some friends don't. I'm tired of trying so hard and having you answer in "hahas" or in "LOLs". It's stupid. It's irrational of me to do it. I sensed it, and I had no doubt in my mind you weren't moved at all by any of the things I did. Yet, somehow I still did it. I still tried to make you laugh, I still tried to help you up when you had emotional lapses, I still behaved childishly for you because my being stupid put a smile on your face. But just like how entertainment is just entertainment, such is the way you forget about me the moment my act is over.

We cannot be friends because you cannot see into me. You don't reciprocate and show me the attention I need as a friend. So I'm going to stop trying. I'm not going to try to become a 'bro' because it's dumb. It's stupid of me, and I, a so-called debater was not smart to see that and stop myself. It's shameful, what I did in my desperation for your friendship and affection. I will not be made into the fool, by myself.

It ends now.