Perhaps I was overly ambitious with my chosen endeavours. Perhaps it was too much to handle both. I thought I could handle and excel in them, but I was wrong. One of them had to suffer and if one didn't want to yield to the other, then they both would have to fall together.

I had to give up one for the other, and lost a major production. Three weeks later I've to forsake the other for another production. Choices which I never made; decisions which for me were made - it's all so clear to me now that possibly I'm ruining my own life because I'm too involved in two.

On one hand you feel incompetent because you weren't selected to compete in the tournament. On the other you feel that it's a lie, when he tells you to "concentrate on drama" first, and you wonder why's there a need to lie to you. Then you think that perhaps, he's saving you for a bigger competition - that he has a purpose for you. But you realise that every single one of the people he picked before you, are more talented and more "available" than you. The fact that he's using your other commitment against you, just makes you hate drama for ruining your debate career.

Then again three weeks ago, you hated debate for ruining your drama career when you weren't allowed to go for the auditions. Essentially the two things that you hold so dear to your heart, turn against you and end up hurting you. You had hoped for the two to help you in your future, and provide you with greater prospects. But yet they are cancelling out every important event that the other has, such that all you're left with are the mediocre and insignificant occasions.

The worst part of it all is the fact that I've absolutely nothing to do with the backfiring. It's not my choice that the two events clashed, but they did. Can you just imagine the frustration of watching your life fall to mediocrity in slow-mode, while feeling completely helpless and incapable?

So I shall resolve to work even harder. Nothing shall be compromised. I will work hard to ensure I perfect my crafts, and give no one a legitimate reason for not choosing me. I'll work for perfection because I'll know that in the end if it all still crumbles away it has nothing to do with me. No one will say I didn't work hard or I let one get in the way of the other. No one will say I am taking on more than I can handle. No one can say I'm incompetent. You don't know me well enough if you even dare to think of that. Nothing on earth shall stop me because

No one but God can judge me.