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Friday, May 08, 2009
2:50 PM
Dear Ning,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with your cat. I think I realized it when you put cuffs on me outside of your office and I hit onthe catholic priest. I'm sure you'remiddle-class enough to understandthat I get turned on only by garbage men. I'm returning your toe ring,but I'll keep your glass eye as a memory.You should also know that you ruined my attempts at another world war.
Greetings to your frog, Mark(us) --
1) What's the color of your shirt? Blue - I'm in love with your cat Red - Our affair is over White - I’m joining the Convent Black - Our romance is over Green- Our socks don't match Grey - You're a leprechaun Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy Pink - Your nostrils are insulting Brown - The mafia wants you No shirt - You're mean Other -I dislike your eyelashes
2) Which is your birth month? January - That night you picked your nose February -When I quoted Forest Gump March - When your dwarf bit me April - When I tripped on peanut butter May - When I threw up in your sock drawer June - When you put cuffs on me July – When you smacked my ass August - When I saw the purple monkey September - Last year when you peed in your pants October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub November - When your dog humped my leg December - When I finally changed my underwear
3) Which food do you prefer? Tacos - In your apartment Lasagna- In your car Pasta - Outside of your office Hamburgers - Under the bus Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner Chicken - In your closet Kebab - With Jean Chrétien Fish - In a clown suit Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert Pizza - At the mental hospital Hot dog - Under a street light Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper
4) What's the color of your socks? Yellow - Ignore Red - Put whipped cream on Black - Hit on Blue - Knock out Purple - Pour syrup on White - Carve your initials into Grey - Pull the clothes off Brown - bit of Orange - Castrate Pink - Pull the pants off of Barefoot - Sit on Other - Drive over
5) What's the color of your underwear? Black - My boyfriend White - My father Grey – The Catholic Priest Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie Purple - My corned beef hash Red – My knee caps Blue - My salt-beef bucket Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana Orange - My Blink 182 CD Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude Other --The elephant in the corner
6) What do you prefer to watch on TV? One Tree Hill - Senile Heroes - Frostbitten Lost - High Simpsons - Cowardly The news - Scarred American Idol - Sexy Family Guy - Open Top Model - Middle-class Annat - shamed
7) Your mood right now? Happy - How awful you are Sad - How boring you are Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men Angry - That your smell makes me vomit Depressed – That we’re related Excited - That I may pee in my pants Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you Worried - That your Ford sucks Apathetic - That you need a sex-change Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your earlobes Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid Other - That your driving sucks
8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom? White - Your toe ring Yellow - Your love letters to me Red - The pictures from Vegas Black - Your pet rock Blue - The couch cushions Green - Your car Orange - Your false teeth Brown - Your nose hair clippers Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket Pink - The cut toenails Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear
9) The first letter of your first name? A/B - My virginity C/D - Your photo with the mustache drawn on it E/F - Your neighbour’s dog G/H - The oil tank from your car I/J - Your left ear K/L - The results of that blood-sample M/N - Your glass eye O/P - My common sense Q/R - Your mom S/T - Your collection of butterflies U/V - Your criminal record W/X – Your suicide note Y/Z - Your credit cards
10) The last letter in your last name? A/B - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises C/D - Always will remember the pep talks E/F -Never will forget that night G/H – Hate your cooking I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly K/L - I will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching O/P - Was interviewed about the car you stole Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart W/X - Haven’t showered in a month Y/Z – am better off without you
11) What do you prefer to drink? Wine- Our friendship is ruined Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo Milk - The apartment building is on fire Water – I'm scratching my ass as you read this Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war Mineral water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine Other – you should stop picking your nose
12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation? Thailand – Warm tingly sensations Australia - Best of luck on the sex change France - Love always Spain - With tears of sadness China – You make me sick Germany – Please don’t hurt me Japan - Go milk a cow Greece - Your everlasting enemy USA - Greetings to your frog Egypt – Kiss my butt England - Go drown yourself
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Saw this on Jas' blog. Thought it would be effing hilarious. Sorry Ning, it's my fault I think of you so much. =)