I've lived on my own for almost two nights. It's humid at night, and I'm taking uncountable numbers of showers. It's unbelievably warm in the day, and I catch myself wondering why I even bother trying to dress decently with all this unforgiving, uncaring heat. Meals are never a constant, and I sometimes worry that I won't have the cash for the next meal. I still am trying to balance school with work just to bring in cash to support myself better, but that's getting tougher. I constantly worry about whether my laptop is safe, and whether I'm gonna be able to get an elective, or if I'm gonna be stuck with nothing and end up being an (gasp!) underachieving student. I struggle to get up for 9am lectures (though I've learnt that there are others with worse timings), and admittedly, I sometimes forget that I even have a lesson to get to in the first place. Worse, I'm forgetting to take my medication regularly which throws everything off even more. Yes. Independence is hard. University is hard. I'm still struggling to find the reigns, but slowly, steadily, unseen hands are showing me how, and I'm grateful for each and every single one of you who have helped me. You are all truly Godsent. I have to adjust myself to people around me, and more often than not i often find myself compromising on more than just the language and speech aspects, but I also compromise on the truth of my character and my personality, often irrationally ignoring my own emotions. I wouldn't call it my 'dignity' quite as yet, because that's unnecessarily melodramatic. But yes. Bottomline is that university is tough. Living alone is tough. Independence is tough. Getting things wrong and figuring them out for the first time, that's all incredibly tough. But finally getting them right. That's an incredible feeling, and utterly rewarding. And dare I say.
I wouldn't trade it for the world.
! dug deep in the sand
