Don't you just love how Facebook Notes has become the new blogspot/typepress/wordpress blog?
I don't. I'm just not the kind of person who writes something out for it to be read. For sure, when we blog, a small part of us is prepared for it to be read by someone else. But blogs are like more passive because if no one cares about you, and no one looks your blog up, your thoughts are essentially a secret. Facebook Notes however, audaciously shoves itself in people's newsfeeds (or face) and forces people to read them. That isn't my style. If I don't come up to random people and spill my guts out in real life, you can be sure that even in the virtual world, I'd keep my thoughts to be discovered by people who truly care and appreciate me - which at this point, I'm pretty sure, is no one.
So yes. In response to everything that's going on right now, and everything that isn't going on between you and me, I'd just like to say that I've spent too much faith, hope and the risk is getting to me. There is only so much that I can give without you reciprocating. Yes I understand that you have issues as well, but it's not as if I haven't tried communicating with you throughout it all. If a random person were to repeatedly brush me away despite my concern for them, I'd just walk away - a little confused, a little frustrated, but otherwise alright. But you. I've stood at your door and have waited there despite you closing the door on me every single time. And it's not as if you slam the door on me - which is fine because that'd annoy me and give me something to be angry about and eventually I'd cease to care - you always close the door on me slowly, and at times you don't even answer the door. Worst of all, sometimes you open it, let me in and then push me out two seconds after. How much of this can any one person take? How much can I take?
I can't say that I love you, but I can admit that I really do care about you. But even I, and all the sacrifices I'm willing to - and have made for you - have a limit to how much pounding I can take. And even though I say here and now that I'm walking away from this, you know that I'm still always here for you, and will always be waiting for you.
You know, I've always been the type to wait for people to make the first move. It was a tactical thing, to sit back and decide what the person was doing before reacting accordingly. If I deemed someone as being false or unworthy, I would either not reciprocate or would let the person down gently. But with you, I was different. I intentionally made the first move, and I put myself out there completely naked and completely at your disposal. And I don't do this for many people. Ever. Surely you can imagine how much you mean to me for me to do such a thing to myself, for you.
I don't want you to think that you don't deserve this kind of love. That's rubbish because I never waste my emotions and my care for anyone who doesn't deserve it. I just want you to pick up the courage to actually make a move. Do something for a change. If I mean anything at all to you, you'd do something to salvage this, because - for the lack of a better expression - the ball's now in your court.
I'm a sentimental guy. I've never really ever stopped loving anyone that I've ever truly cherished or who've had a truly great impact on me. You are no exception.
! dug deep in the sand
